hold on, pain ends.

How would you know if someone loves you when suddenly he wants to give up everything you two have?

We’ve been together for almost a year. We’re just like any other couples we love each other so much, we talk to each other like there’s no tomorrow. He’s a very nice guy. I cant seem to find the best word to describe him, for me he’s almost the perfect guy a girl could dream of.

Our relationship was out of the blue, no one even me saw it coming. It was really unexpected we just woke up one day realizing the fact that we’re already inlove with each other.

At first everything seemed to be perfect, it was like a fairytale we were both happy and inlove with each other, but just like any other relationship we also have our own ups and downs. But we’re too strong to let these problems break us. We argue sometimes but we never let a day pass that we never talk to each other and fix the mess between us. He was the guy i dreamed to have.

But things changed, everything seemed to be on their right path, but just like what they say people change. Change is the only permanent thing in this world. After our 14th month had passed i feel like he lost interest in me, in our relationship. He started to treat me coldly, i dont know what happened. I dont know if i did something wrong. He’s the type of the person who doesnt tell me if there’s a problem or not because he doesnt want me to worry about it.

It has been a week since he asked to be alone, he said he needed some time and space. I love him so much so i told him that i’ll give him enough time to think about us. I dont want to just throw away our relationship just like that. I want to make things work so im making it happen.

I told myself that after the time i gave him if he still wants to put and end to our relationship i’ll willingly set him free.

I may be tired from all the pain and all but breaking up is not a solution. If you really love the person but you’re tired of all the shit you can take a break. Magpahinga ka, hindi pagsuko ang solusyon sa lahat ng problema. Kung mahal mo talaga lumaban ka hanggat alam mong kaya mo pa, hanggat alam mong may ipaglalaban ka pa. Kapit lang. Laban lang. Hindi man mangyari ung gusto mo, alam naman ni God kung ano makakabuti para sayo.

I Guess I’ve Had ENOUGH!
"Hindi mo ko maiintindihan, kasi kahit kelan hindi mo ko naintindihan"
Kahit anong paliwanag ang gawin ko hindi mo ko maiintindihan! Kasi alam kong para sayo wala lang yung mga yun! 
Masakit sa pakiramdam yung hindi mo masabi sa kanya na “para sayo yang tweet na yan tamaan ka sana” ang manhid niya! Sa sobrang manhid niya hindi niya maramdaman na sa bawat sinasabi niya mas nasasaktan ako lalo. Mahirap magpanggap na hindi ako nasasaktan habang kausap ko siya, mahirap mag panggap na masaya ako kahit hindi naman at mahirap magpanggap na hindi ko na siya mahal kahit MAHAL  ko padin siya. 
Hindi ko masabi sa kanya na “Tama na masyado na kong nasasaktan” kasi alam kong pag sinabi ko yun wala din siyang pakealam.  Pero hindi naman ako martyr na titiisin ko to. Tao din ako napapagod umiyak at masaktan. May nararamdaman din ako hindi ako kagaya niya na walang ibang ginawa kundi saktan ako. Oo alam ko hindi niya intensyong saktan ako pero sa mga kinikilos at sinasabi niya sapat ng rason yun para lumayo ako sa kanya. 
Gusto niyang manatili kami gaya ng dati pero hangga’t may nararamdaman akong pagmamahal sa kanya di ko pwedeng ibalik yung dati lalo na ngayon na masyado ng magulo yung sitwasyon namin. Hindi ko hinihiling na mahalin niya ko kasi alam kong malabong mangyari yun. Ang sakin lang sana hayaan niya kong makalimutan ko yung "nakaraan" 
Masakit! Masakit tanggapin yung katotohanan na hanggang dun na lang kayo. Lalo na kung ikaw lang ang mismong nagiingat sa kung anong meron kayo. Kung ikaw lang mismo ang nagpapahalaga at lalo na kung ikaw lang mismo ang NAGMAMAHAL.
Yung sabihin niyang wala siyang pakialam sakin yun yung pinakamasakit na sinabi niya. Ganun na lang ba kadali sa kanya para kalimutan yung lahat ng pinagsamahan namin dati? Sabagay bakit nga naman niya papahalagahan yun kung sakin mismo wala siyang pakialam. 
NASASAKTAN AKO! 
NAHIHIRAPAN AKO!
Walang araw na hindi ko siya inalala. Lagi kong iniisip na sana ayos lang siya. Sana kahit sa simpleng ganun ma-appreciate niya kung gano siya ka-importnate sakin. 
Ayoko ng umasa na babalik pa yung dati “IKAW” dating “TAYO” kasi sa gulo ng sitwasyon natin malabo at  kasi ikaw na mismo yung nagsabi na wala na. Siguro iiwas na lang nga ako. It’s better to be that way. 
Yung taong akala ko hindi ako iiwan. Yung taong akala ko dadamayan ako sa oras na kailangan ko siya. Yung taong akala ko magpapasaya sakin pag malungkot ako. Pero siya yung dahilan ng mga yan. And at the end of the day iiwan din niya ko. Sakit diba? Pero kailangan kong tanggapin yung nangyari na.
Masarap ba? Masarap ba sa pakiramdam yung makasakit ka ng iba? Intentionally or Not. Kahit sabihin mong di mo ginusto mangyari yun you should be aware of your actions and words. Kasi hindi mo alam na sa bawat ginagawa at sinasabi mo may isang taong nagpapahalaga sayo ang nasasaktan 
“Smile. Let everyone know that today you’re a lot stronger than you were yesterday.”
“We don’t talk anymore, and the saddest part is, we used to talk everyday.”
Truth Hurts A Lie’s Worse

A lot of People says that  ”You should accept the fact that he loves someone else now and he doesn’t care for you ANYMORE!” i know but i can’t just accept it as fast as i fell inlove with him. 

Weeks passed we haven’t talked to each other. Actually he’s sick that time and he needs to undergo head operation when i first heard that i was really shocked i cried i don’t know what to do. I wanted to be by his side to take care of him but i can’t. I’m really worried at him i don’t know what to do. I always think about him that time i am so paranoid about his state. He won’t reply to any of my text messages that’s why i feel worried about him. 

After his operation……………………………………………….

Things changed.

He changed.

The OLD US changed.

Sometimes he won’t reply to my messages and tweets, he won’t talk to me and if he does it’s not the usual convo that we had before i mean it’s not the old "SWEET" convo that we had.

As his bestfriend i know my limitations.

And as his SECRET LOVER i know my place and i know what actions to do.

So i decided not to text him anymore coz i think he doesn’t like talking to me anymore or he’s trying to avoid me for a reason that i do not know. 

It’s hard for me to do these things coz’ i’m not used to it. 

Days and Weeks passed i received a text from him. After reading the text i come to my nerves that maybe i should forget everything that we had back then. I realized that maybe he’s not texting me is because he’s busy with his GIRLFRIEND. 

It tore me apart knowing he’s INLOVE with someone else and someone else is making him happy like what i did before.

That night after i read that text from him i can feel my tears falling down i can’t stop them. It hurts. It HURTS so much! It HURTS so bad! I can’t stop myself from crying because i know that time it’s the only thing i can do to make myself feel much better. To ease and lessen the pain. 

After that night i realized that maybe i should let go of the feelings i have for him, the memories we used to have that i treasure most and the FRIENDSHIP we HAD. After all he’s the reason why i ended-up deciding these things.

So the end this up i wanted to tell “YOU” something

TO YOU;

First of all i would like to say…………………………….

THANK YOU for everything. You’re always there when i needed someone to talk to. When i am feeling down and sad you’re always there to make me smile. When i feel like i don’t have no one you’re always there to make me feel that there’s this one person who’s willing to stay by my side. Thank you for all the happy memories. Thank you for being my DADDY and BESTFRIEND at the same time. And Thank you for everything through GOOD TIMES and BAD you never left me.

SORRY for all the troubles i caused you. For lying to you about having a boyfriend. For pretending that i like someone else, I am sorry for not telling you about what i really feel towards you, and for LYING and PRETENDING that i don’t LOVE you when the truth is that i am secretly INLOVE with you. 

I don’t know if you’re reading this right now but one thing for sure after you read this, things will be changing for SURE. I know you will start avoiding me for REAL don’t worry im used to it. I know you will stop texting me nor tweet me don’t worry i know that’ll happen. I know you might block me or what don’t worry i know you might do that. But i want you to know that i won’t regret the fact that i met you and i fell inlove with you. Why? Because you made me a better and stronger person right now. 

I decided to tell you how i really feel about you para naman di ko tinatago lang after all dati pa yun. Kinalimutan ko na yung nararamdaman ko (DRAMA!) HAHA pero honestly yeah kinalimutan ko na nga.

And by the way don’t ever think that i grab the chance pag kasama kita. Wag mong isipin na sinasamantala ko yung pagkakataon, kasi pag kasama kita i keep in mind na BESTFRIEND tayo. It depends on you if you will believe me or not after all im not going to please you to believe me basta i just wanted to tell you everything. Ayoko na kasi magtago or magsinungaling pa :)

Don’t worry i won’t bother you anymore i know how you will feel about this so i think maybe let’s just pretend that NOTHING HAPPENED i know it’s not that easy but i know time will allow that to come. Don’t worry kinalimutan ko na lahat! :) I’ll be happy and you should do the same okay? :) Live life to the fullest dude.

THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING :)

And also for the last time let me tell you how much …………………………………………………………………

I LovED YOU :) 

P.S:

Pagaling ka ha! Kailangan sa susunod na makita kita if ever may buhok ka na! HAHAHAHA Pray always. Take care! :) GODBLESS :)

“I try to hold on,
but it hurts too much
I try to forgive,
but it’s not enough to make it all okay”
“For the TRUTH hurts but LIES are worse”
“I accept the fact that i fell inlove with the wrong person at the wrong time and now it hurts so bad”

Red Cross RUN TO SAVE LIVES FUNRUN last Sunday January 10 at Quirino Grandstand :) 

Red Cross RUN TO SAVE LIVES FUNRUN last Sunday January 10 at Quirino Grandstand :) 

SATUR-DATE ♥

Goodevening :”>

Just got home from somewhere with my daddy/bestfriend. Actually it’s an unexpected meeting kasi bigla na lang siya nagtext out of nowhere na he’s going to SM eh he knows na andun ako kaya ayun. 

I was kinda late kasi i went to my girlfriend’s house to visit tita kasi she miss me na daw so ayun. Pagdating ko sa SM i was looking for him and nagulat ako kasi nagpakulay nga pala siya ng hair so ayun, di ko siya masyado nakilala agad. 

The usual thing naglalakad kami ayaw niya magpahawak sakin ang ARTE niya talaga nakakaasar haha. Ikot-ikot lang kami tapos umupo kami sa may foodcourt.

While sitting naguusap kami bout sa hair niya HAHAHAHA ang weird kasi for me he really looks like gay and nakaka-ilang pa kasi pag nagkakatinginan kami umiiwas ako kaya ayun tuloy natanong ako kung bakit di ko siya matignan. Di naman ako makasagot -________-

Nagaasaran na naman kami ehhh mapangasar yung mokong na yun kaya naiirita ko sa kanya tapos pinipilit niya ko na ihahatid niya ko sa bahay ehh ayoko kasi nga baka kung ano isipin ng ibang tao samin pero tagong kilig ako HAHAHA

Natatawa pa ko kasi ang drama niya basta kulang ata sa lambing yung mokong na yun kanina kaya gusto magpalambing :”>

Ayun kakaasaran namin nairita ko sa kanya so sabi niya umuwi na kami eh di nauuna ko maglakad nagulat ako INAKBAYAN ako bigla tapos nung aalisin ko kamay niya hinawakan niya kamay ko ng mahigpit nawindang ako. Di naglalakad na kami palabas ng mall hinawakan niya balikat ko tapos hawak ko yung kamay niya habang naglalakad. 

AWKWARD soooooooooooooobbbbbrrrraaa! Kasi pinagtitinginan kami ng mga tao, di ko naman alam bakit.

Sabay kami naglakad pauwi pero di niya na ko hinatid kasi medyo hilo na siya and gabi na kasi medyo hassle na sa kanya kaya next time na lang ulit :”>  

Di masyadong maganda nangyari nung pauwi ako pero okay lang nakasama ko naman siya eh :) 

«back
Do I Really Deserve You?
Design by Athenability
Powered by Tumblr